How enclosed our lives are as we pursue the daily round in heedless haste, so often oblivious of the thoughts and feelings of those around us! If we are conscientious in our work, we may find the apparent carelessness of our fellows increasingly irksome until at last our irritation breaks forth in words and gestures of impatience and exasperation. In themselves these are not to be denied; bottling up our emotions under the guise of gentility or virtue with a subtle undercurrent of martyrdom does our health no good, while our relationship with the person who disturbs our equilibrium founders inwardly even if we assume a mask of tolerant graciousness. The truth will come out in the end, in the process freeing us from the barely tolerable tension of restraint, but at the same time burdening us with a sense of regret as we feel that we have failed the test of compassion and have allowed our selfish attitude to triumph over a concern for the other person.

What an immense stack of timber can be set ablaze by the tiniest spark! And the tongue is in effect a fire. It represents among our members the world with all its wickedness; it pollutes the whole being; it keeps the wheel of our existence red-hot, and its flames are fed by hell. Beasts and birds of every kind, creatures that crawl on the ground or swim in the sea, can be subdued and have been subdued by mankind; but no man can subdue the tongue. (Jas. 3.5-8)

Even apart from the deliberate malice suggested by this telling passage, the tongue is liable to spread gossip abroad by the simple thoughtlessness that is too much part of our daily relationships. And then there is the uncontrollable irritation which we have already considered. Speech may be silver, but silence is golden. If only we could learn to cultivate the practice of silence in daily life when verbal communication was unnecessary, we would be able to reflect before we spoke! Then the tongue would be under proper control, so that its subsequent utterances would be pertinent and helpful in fostering peace and goodwill.

But once the fateful word has escaped our lips, and at the end of the day we have the painful opportunity of recalling the possible havoc it has caused in our friendship with colleagues and neighbours, there comes a time for deeper reflection. What have I said, perhaps on the spur of the moment, that is hurting someone whose well-being I truly have at heart? So long as I stand on my pride and refuse to extend a hand of reconciliation, the hurt gnaws ever more deeply into my own soul, as I can imagine it doing likewise to the other person. And so a rift widens between us and the sullen face of enmity blurs our previous collaboration. At this juncture it is speech that is golden, and I must humble myself to put right what is gnawing at my conscience. This does not mean so much an abject apology, which may, indeed, be quite often ill-conceived if not hypocritical, but an honest attempt to sort out the difficulty, so that an authentic concern may embrace both of us in a new relationship of trust. "Let us speak the truth in love" (Eph. 4.15). If the other person cannot accept that truth, the relationship will be effectively severed, at least until such time as a change of heart occurs. However, a relationship that cannot face the vicissitudes of human nature is ipso facto flimsy to the point of contrivance.

Give me, Lord, the courtesy to listen before I speak, the courage to hear the still small voice within, and the humility to confront my own unpleasantness in personal relationships. May I need no prompting to put right whatever my tongue may have uttered in unthinking haste or emotional stress.