We should be in charity with ourselves, as with our neighbours.
François Fénelon

This advice is the reverse side of the second great commandment, to love our neighbour as ourself (Lev. 19.18, and repeated by Jesus most memorably in connection with the Parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10.25-37). To love oneself may appear not only unrealistic but also indulgent, especially when, at the day's end, we have time to consider our behaviour earlier on. St Paul, in Romans 7.14-24, bemoans the divided consciousness so typical of the human: we tend to do what we inwardly detest and fail to do what we outwardly acclaim. Indeed, the more we try to ascend to God in prayer, the more firmly do our shortcomings anchor us to the earth. We may make earnest resolutions to do better in future, only to find how easily we revert to accustomed ways of behaviour.

It is important to understand how our sincere strivings for self-improvement tend to be frustrated by the assertive ego. It looks for results to the extent of neglecting wider social concern. It can easily thwart our spiritual progress. The way forward is by learning to let go, ceasing to judge ourself either adversely or favourably. To rest in one's own being is the beginning of self-love. It gives one a breathing-space in which to let outside events claim our attention. The more unattached we are to ourself, the more we can survey our inner life calmly, and see what is causing the trouble; in fact, it is the Holy Spirit within that is revealing the truth to us, for in this state of suspended judgement and psychic awareness the divine presence can enter the soul to full acclaim. It is like a glow of warmth animating us when the sun's first rays lighten the surrounding air in the chill of a winter's morning.

The power of the Holy Spirit enables us to survey ourselves dispassionately, at the same time accepting that all is well in the mind of God even if in the beginning we may feel disheartened by the release of previously controlled emotions of adverse quality. We learn that we are infinitely lovable, despite - or even because of - our infirmities. God loves us because he made us: this statement is the key to our relationship with God, but it remains something of a theological postulate until we have experienced that love when we were cast down in darkness. We can be in charity with ourselves only when we know that someone greater than we are both understands us and cares for us: in practice, God in Christ alone fulfils this criterion. When that love fills us, we at once radiate it to those around us, so that we can genuinely love our neighbour as ourself. Until we genuinely love ourself, we cannot love anyone else because the love of God cannot penetrate us and make us effective agents in spreading that love.

So therefore relax at the end of the day and let good humour pervade you. We can be so concerned about our neighbour that we neglect ourself instead of loving both equally. If we face ourself squarely, we will probably see little obvious improvement in personality over the years until we suddenly note a change of attitude to a particular situation. Even the spiritual giants have their "off days"; so therefore smile indulgently at your weaknesses. Not to be in charity with oneself is a type of spiritual pride.

It may be true that happiness lies more in giving than in receiving (Acts 20.35), but there is also a peculiar graciousness in being able to receive gladly; self-sufficiency, whether material or spiritual, can degenerate into pride if it is incapable of accepting assistance. Likewise, in times of prayer it is important to be quiet and receive the love of others remembering us, and not simply be giving out the whole time.

May I attain that inner tranquillity, Lord, in which I can see my attitudes dispassionately and evaluate my actions kindly on the face of the turmoil around me. May your love so fill me with new resolve that I can give of myself with confidence as well as compassion to the service of the world.