It is an inevitable hazard of the spiritual life to harp on the weaknesses of our character to the exclusion of other, more positive, thoughts about our life and the world around us. Self-examination, to be practised especially at the end of the day, can easily lead us downwards into a dark pit of self-accusation with its attendant despair, as we see how once again we have failed in some test of charity or integrity despite all our professed vows of dedication to the higher calling of spiritual excellence. We can easily become trapped in the unpleasant, yet strangely comforting, prison of egoism. Selfishness, self-pity and self-abhorrence are part of a single complex, and once we have yielded to their noxious embrace we can renounce hope while emphasizing our intrinsic unworthiness. The result can conveniently be termed "negative egoism".

Whereas the familiar "positive egoist" has an inflated opinion of the self which soon dominates proceedings by inflicting its opinions and knowledge on the general run of the conversation, the negative egoist is engrossed in considerations of unworthiness to the exclusion of wider concerns, especially those involving the welfare of those around him or her. While we are restricted by an emphasis on the ego there can be no forward movement, no growth of the personality. Furthermore, our fill of distaste can, quite unconsciously, be projected on to other people; and so we can blame others, such as our parents, teachers, rivals, and especially the strangers in our midst, who seem to prosper while we flounder, for interfering with our own fulfilment in life.

To become rooted in oneself and one's inadequacies, no matter how sincere one's desire for change and liberation, is a certain formula for retaining them. The more we move, the more constantly do they accompany us. In the end we have to face ourself as we really are, at least in the present time, and let go completely. While it is right that we should know the situation of our inner life; we have then to acknowledge that God alone can work the marvel of change within us. All personal attempts at self-improvement simply imprison us more securely in the grip of the dominant ego. But when we take our eyes off ourself and lift them to the Lord, we are moved psychologically as well as spiritually beyond ourself to a realm of infinite love and penetrating light.

This is no short cut to spiritual proficiency, nor is it an occult technique designed to master inner difficulties. It is neither an attempt to enlist divine support in our battle with perverse tendencies, nor is it a calculated use of the divine energies for our own benefit. It is simply a humble approach to the divine throne made in complete openness and trust, and we are amazed at the response afforded us. In this state of being we can attain the Psalmist's request:

Teach us to order our days rightly,
that we may enter the gate of wisdom. (Ps. 90.12)

Therefore, as St Teresa says, we must have a balance between candid self-examination and contemplation of God. The first carried to an extreme leads to a negative egoism, while the second by itself can be a subtle way of evading personal responsibility. By ourselves we can only define our weaknesses, but when the whole personality is brought to God's care, the weaknesses are healed slowly but progressively, so that in the end they may afford us greater strength.

Lord, when I flounder in a sea of morbid self-interest, bring me to a knowledge of the problems of the wider world, so that my attention may be centred on your love rather than on my problems. May I be so released from the tyranny of my selfishness that I can provide help to anyone calling on me.